she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
