just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well I just put wine in my tea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
