I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
