did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
