i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
