I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
