I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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