i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
