Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
