I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
