you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize