Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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