what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
