I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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