gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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