Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I could make wine with my vomit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
