U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
