i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
