Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
soo... how was my night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
