I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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