I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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