4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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