Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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