sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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