I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
