I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
