I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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