I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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