...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
