I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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