um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
