NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize