The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
