I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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