Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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