wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
