You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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