I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
