dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
