Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
