dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
