once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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