He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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