Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude. I can hear the air.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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