she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
