At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
