Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
