Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
