I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
