Sry I called you an 8
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
