so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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