Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize