Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
