that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
