tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
