Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
