My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize