My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
