Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
