i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
