Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
