do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
