So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
soo... how was my night?
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