I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just threw up on my dentist
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
