I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
