We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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