we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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