Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
