if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
