I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize