Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize