Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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