I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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